I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
