How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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