Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize