Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
