I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
