I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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