yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
