We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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