and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
