Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
