saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
please come you make the beer taste better
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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