I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
