If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
