I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
