Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
