My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
