things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
