Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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