I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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