Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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