What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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