Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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