You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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