weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
