your parents love me but you hate me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How naked do you want me to be?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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