I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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