I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
