Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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