you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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