I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize