After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
