that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
