I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
PANTIES FOUND
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