I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
