I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
