she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
