OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
