So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
