youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
