I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
