Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
