this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
