i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
