I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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