Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
