I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
