If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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