Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
