my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
