i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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