Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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