My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if only i could text you this smell
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
