guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
