If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
