So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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