he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
