I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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