i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
