I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im six kinds of drunk right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
