imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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