I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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