Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
