Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
