you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
