life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
