Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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