If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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