i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
