Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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