you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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