Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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