but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
