just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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