I got chris browned last night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
