Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
