I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
