Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
