You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
