Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
