I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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