I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
