Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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